— Just engaged? Here's what NOT to do next! —

Don’t hit the ‘gram just yet

You’ve just got engaged so obviously you want to tell the whole world! However, there’s nothing better than sharing your momentous news with your nearest and dearest in person. You’ll be able to see their reactions, share how it happened and most importantly show off that engagement ring. Once you’ve seen family and close friends, then let the social posting begin!

Don’t dodge talking about budgets

In Britain we have a hang up about talking about money- but you really can’t plan a wedding without having a good handle on the finances. The first thing you need to do is sit down with your partner and work out what you can afford, what you are both happy to spend, and what contributions you may receive from family. Only once this is all sorted out can you start moving on the more exciting stuff.

If you need help setting a wedding budget, read How to set your wedding budget

Don’t invite anyone

When people congratulate you on your wedding it’s natural to respond with an invitation- bad idea! You really shouldn’t invite anyone until you know more details- the date, venue, full guest list and budget will dictate who will be invited. You might find the budget just won’t stretch to including the girls from your Pilates class after all. And don’t send out a ‘save the date’ until you have a better handle on the guest list either- it’s a real snub to send someone a save the date if you don’t follow up with an invitation.

Don’t rush into choosing your wedding party

This is a big one- once you announce your engagement, there will be a lot of interest in who you are going to ask to be your bridesmaids, maid of honour, best man, ushers/ groomsmen and so on. Try and take a pause- don’t feel obliged to choose someone just because they chose you for their wedding, or because they’re family. You need people around you who will genuinely support you in the run up to the wedding and on the day itself. That might mean trying tactful ways to disappoint the fun but hopelessly disorganised friend from school.

You’ll have lots of time to make a decision, so if people ask just tell them you haven’t decided yet.

Don’t book the hen/stag parties

Once you have your wedding party sorted out it’s tempting for them to start planning the hen and stag parties straight away- but just hold off. Until you have your guest list finalised, there’s a danger that people get invited to the hen/stag that then don’t get a wedding invitation- and that can cause no end of unnecessary strife. Depending what you choose, attending hen and stag parties can cost each person hundreds of pounds, so it’s a big ask.

Make sure anyone invited to the pre-wedding party is also on the guest list; the only possible exception to this is if you are having a small wedding for religious/ family reasons, in which case make sure everyone knows where they stand before paying out for flights to Ibiza.

Don’t say Yes to the dress- yet

Thanks to a certain television programme the process of choosing you outfit for the big day has become a whole production- but don’t start booking those appointments just yet. Not only do you need to know your budget, to know what you can spend,  and your bridal party, to know who to bring with you, you need to know your venue too. It sounds strange, but the style of venue you opt for will have a big influence on the style and look of the whole day- including the dress. So get the venue booked, the bride tribe appointed and the budget nailed down first!

Don’t say yes to everything

Once you get engaged, everyone will be offering to help or asking questions- it could be your best friend wants to make your cake or your cousin wants their child to be a flower girl. Don’t feel pressured into saying yes to anything just yet- you’ll need to have a better handle on the big picture before you know what you will need. Just tell them you haven’t sorted out the details yet.

Don’t listen to (all ) advice

Once you are planning a wedding everyone and their aunt will have an opinion on it, whether that’s the venue, the cost, the flowers, the date- you name it, someone will have an opinion on it! Whilst listening diplomatically is probably wise, don’t feel you have to do anything you don’t want to. Times change, trends are different and even etiquette is not what it used to be a generation ago. Your wedding day should be about you and what you want.

Don’t compare

There are so many photos, videos and blogs of picture-perfect weddings out there on the internet and on your social feed that it can get overwhelming. Don’t feel the need to compare your plans with everyone else’s! Whilst having a Pinterest board is a good idea to get inspiration, you should be aiming to create a day that gives you both joy. This wedding is about you and your future life together, not what looks good on Instagram!

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